Fairy Tale Charity Auction
by Little Isis
Summary: When the Frog Princess signs Regina up to be bid on in a single ladies' charity auction, Emma is forced to come to her rescue. Swanqueen. Currently on hiatus, may or may not continue.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary****: A former association of Regina's signs her up to be bid on in a single ladies' charity auction, and Emma is forced to come to her rescue.**

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Once Upon a Time. If I did, it would be a lot gayer. **

Even with his memories restored, Henry still had the vague sense that there was something missing. There was still the matter of that other place setting at the table during the Holidays, and he simply couldn't imagine it being filled by a pirate. He had all ready lost one parent, and he wasn't planning on losing another.

As he and Emma headed to the library, he pulled out his phone and fired off a text to his current partner in crime.

_Operation Charity Auction a go?_

The responding text came back seconds later.

_You bet, champ. _

"I don't know why you want to go to the library, kid," Emma said beside him. "This is the first nice day we've had in months and you wanna stay inside and read?"

Henry grinned up at her. "Not necessarily. I heard something was going on there that we'll both want to see."

Emma raised an eyebrow at him. She barely had to look down to catch his eye. The kid was growing like a weed these days. "What are you up to, Henry?"

"Nothing!" the boy replied as innocently as he could.

They walked into the library to find it much more crowded than usual. Numerous citizens of Storybrooke had gathered around a podium occupied by a smoky-eyed, dark-skinned young woman with a green streak through her hair.

"Oh, I see," Emma rolled her eyes. "Henry, you're not even fourteen yet. The Frog Princess is 21, she's too old for you. Matter of fact, she was stuck in the enchanted forest for over 30 years, so she's technically much older than that."

The young prince felt a blush creep up his neck and rise all the way into his hairline. "It's not that, Ma!" he said quickly. "This is a charity auction! And you have room to talk. Isn't Hook about 400 years old?"

Emma scowled down at him.

"Frog convinced mom to hold this auction to raise funds for a new playground," Henry explained. He pointed towards the podium, where the Princess Frog seized the microphone and grinned wickedly.

"Next up! We have… Queen Elsa."

Beyonce's _All the Single Ladies _blasted from the speakers of a nearby iHome as the Frog Princess—a notoriously bad dancer, according to Regina—did the Charleston.

The Ice Queen, her face red with embarrassment, stepped up to the podium and stared at the ground. "Do I have a hundred bucks?" Frog asked the crowd.

To Emma's surprise, no one in the crowd raised a bid. Queen Elsa, like all the other fairy tale characters that seemed to randomly show up in Storybrooke these days, was a lovely creature. But most of the princes in the kingdom were taken and the pickins were slim. Emma wouldn't have bid on most of the men in the crowd herself, as most of the choices were unfortunate. A majority of them were leftover merry men from Hood's band and looked as though they hadn't bathed in months. Mulan was the only female in the crowd—gods only knew what was going on there.

"tsk tsk," Frog said in the microphone. "Come on, Fellas! This is for charity! So she's a little off, big deal! The cold doesn't bother her anyway."

"I'll put down a bid," Mulan piped up, her face it's usual expressionless mask. She raised a card that read $250.

"Sold! Very nice." Frog said, smiling. "You guys make a cute couple."

Else's ice-colored eyes widened. "But… she's a woman! I've never heard of such a thing."

"Let it go, Elsa," Frog snarked.

Emma rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you see in the Frog Princess, kid. If I wanted to put it down with some steampunk smart-ass I'd go find Gold. Hard to believe she was Regina's apprentice."

"Mom said she could be entertaining," Henry replied, his admiring gaze never leaving Frog. "Speak of the Devil…"

"Next, we have one of the best looking ladies in town. My former sempai… The Evil Queen, Regina Mills!"

_All the Single Ladies _played on the iHome again—Emma suspected Frog was using magic to make the song go off when she wasn't even touching the device. Regina appeared a moment later, looking up at Frog with a murderous glare that suggested she was going to pay for this later.

Frog grinned back at her delightedly and said in the microphone, "Now, I know you've all heard rumors that her vagina has teeth, and that's probably true. But there's just something about Regina Mills that gets to you, you know? Like when she gives you those sad puppy eyes or threatens to murder your family. Either way, bid enough and you can score a date with her! Do we have a hundred?"

The bids began immediately as several merry men held up signs. "Uh oh…" Henry muttered. He tugged on Emma's arm. "Ma, I think the Merry Men are bidding on her so they can bring her back to the Enchanted Forest to Hood!"

"Huh?" Emma watched as Frog rapidly auctioned Regina off. In a matter of seconds the bids had gone up to $400 and Little John was in the lead. Archie bid $450 and Little John bid $500.

"You're a hot commodity, your Majesty!" Frog crowed.

"I'm going to ruin you for this, Frog," Regina hissed to her old protégé from the corner of her mouth. "If it's the last thing I do."

Frog rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah you're the one who knocks. Cool it, Heisenberg." She turned to Little John. "And what will you do on your date with the Evil Queen, Little John?"

Little John grinned, showing a few missing teeth. "Well, I'm gonna take her into the forest to go four-wheeling. Then maybe we could roast some squirrels over the fire for dinner as we watch the sunset… and see where things go from there."

Emma could practically feel Regina's horror from across the room. Frog looked like Christmas had come early. Not surprisingly Regina had apparently done something awful to her many years ago. She had come to Storybrooke with the intention of getting revenge, and had changed her mind upon encountering Henry. But she still seemed to enjoy making Regina miserable on occasion. "$500… going once…"

Henry tugged on Emma's arm. "Ma, you have to bid on her!"

"What?" Emma looked down at her son, bewildered.

"Please mom! She can't go back to the Enchanted Forest! I'll lose her!" He looked so much like his father in that moment. The savior felt her heart shatter for him.

"Going twice…"

"I bid $1000!" Emma yelled wildly, raising her hand.

Several shocked faces turned to stare at her.

"A rack for the Evil Queen, huh?" Frog mused. "You're a high priced hoe, your majesty. Sold, for $1000! This concludes our exciting auction." _All the Single Ladies _began to play again as Mulan and the other men began to disperse, grumbling. Frog turned to Regina, whose mouth was slightly agape in surprise. "Saved again by your Baby Mama. Don't think I'm finished with you yet." She narrowed her eyes at the Mayor and disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.

Henry's eyes shone as Regina stepped down from the podium and approached Emma and Henry gingerly. "Thank you for sparing me from that unfortunate experience, Emma."

"Your misfortune isn't over yet," Emma said, folding her arms. "I'm still taking you out for drinks after I just dropped a thousand bucks to bail your ass out. And you're buying. I deserve to get drunk after all this."

"Perhaps you do," Regina sighed.

"Why even agree to be a participant in the auction in the first place?" Emma asked as Henry delightedly hugged his other mother.

Regina fondly stroked the messy hair on top of his head. "I had hoped it might cool Frog's apathy towards me. She's caused me a lot of problems lately."

"I'll say," Emma agreed, thinking about the call she'd gotten a few days ago from the Mayor asking for help. Someone—Frog, obviously, but they had no proof—had teepee'd city hall.

"Also," Regina continued, touching Henry's cheek lovingly, "Any contribution towards the new playground is worth it."

"I'm gonna go find Frog and see how much money we raised," Henry said happily. "I'll be home in time for dinner."

Both of his mothers called after him to be careful. Regina shook her head. "He seems to have inherited your unfortunate taste in the opposite sex. How is the pirate, by the way?"

Emma shrugged. "Well, I never said we were exclusive. I'll pick you up at eight on Friday."

She left the library before noticing the look on Regina's face.

**A/N: Yes, the frog princess in this story is based very loosely off of Tiana in **_**The Princess and the Frog**_**, in case you were wondering—but only loosely. Like all **_**Once **_**characters (all though this one is obviously my own fictional version) there is more to her story. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I hate when this happens! A fanfic gets stuck in my head and I can't do anything until I write it down! You all better be enjoying this! Humph! **

**Also, to answer a guest reviewer, this will not be a threesome fic with Captain Hook. If it was, the summary would have said CaptainSwanQueen. Come on, I'm not that heartless!**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Once or the Princess and the Frog. Both belong to Disney and ABC. **

Henry ran to his friend at their special rendezvous point in the park. It was the pond Regina had taken him to when she took him out for ice cream after he'd lost his memories. The Frog Princess turned and smiled at him as she saw him approach, showing bright white teeth.

"How'd we make out?" he asked, panting slightly and looking up at her shyly. Frog had been the first real friend he'd made since he and Emma came back to Storybrooke. Even though she was much older than him she treated him like an adult.

"Pretty good, champ. Nowhere near enough to build the playground, but there's still other things we can do to raise money." She pulled a cigarette out of her pocket and lit it up, puffing on it lazily.

"You shouldn't do that," Henry said, frowning. "It's bad for you."

"We all have our numbers punched eventually, champ. I'm just speeding up the process." Frog replied. She frowned. "Huh. But I probably shouldn't smoke in front of you. It would make your mom mad, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah, probably."

Frog smirked and took another drag. Henry ignored this and continued. "Thanks for helping me with Operation Charity Auction. I know my mom hurt you, but it's nice of you to do this for her."

"I didn't do it for her, champ. I did it for you." Henry didn't miss the fondness in her voice as she said that last part and neither did Frog. She and Snow had never been able to get through to Regina, but it still didn't surprise her that this kid did. There was something about the love of a child, or whatever.

"Can't you ever forgive her?" the boy asked sadly.

"You know I can't lie to you. I'd like to say I could forgive your mom, but I probably won't."

"I understand," Henry replied as he looked at the ground.

Frog opened her mouth to say something comforting, because damn if the kid wasn't cute and she hated to see him upset, before they were both interrupted.

"Ahoy there!" Hook called as he too sauntered up to join them.

"Oh, geez," Frog muttered with annoyance. Henry could tell she wasn't a fan of the pirate—but like Regina, she didn't seem to be a fan of anyone.

"Hello there, lad," Hook winked down at Henry, who smiled back. He liked Hook, even if the pirate was constantly trying to whisk Emma away on the Jolly Roger. "What's this I hear about Regina taking Emma out on a date? I demand an explanation, you villainous royal amphibian."

"Beat it, treasure island," was Frog's only reply as she flicked ash in his direction.

"It's for a charity auction," Henry told him. "I asked ma to bid on my mom so she wouldn't have to go four-wheeling with Little John."

The pirate looked contemplative for a moment, tapping his hook against his chin thoughtfully. "I see. I suppose I should relax, then. It's not as though Emma would take such an outing seriously, when the pleasure of my sword is available."

Frog grunted with disgust. "Then why get all worked up in the first place? Feeling a little threatened? Thinking about running back to the Black Pearl with your tail between your legs, Captain Crunch?"

"Nonsense!" Hook huffed. "Since when does Emma like women?"

"She went to prison," Frog pointed out.

"True. I hadn't thought of that…" Hook lost himself in thought again until a vacant expression came over his face.

For a moment he looked as though he might start drooling until Frog waved her hand in front of his face. "Mind out of the gutter, Cap."

Hook turned his attention back to the Frog Princess, who finished her smoke and tossed it to the ground, stamping it out with the heel of her boot.

"Perhaps you should join me in the gutter instead. Mind if I get a light, love?" Hook asked her, his eyes twinkling. Henry felt anger rise in him like bile. Was Hook seriously flirting with Frog right in front of him? Definitely not step-dad material.

"I'm not sure there's going to be room, after Emma and Regina's date. How did you find out about that so fast anyway? It happened literally twenty minutes ago." Frog handed him a cigarette from her pack and lit it for him, avoiding his attempt to invade her personal space.

Hook waved his hand dismissively. "Word travels fast in a small town, love. But back to the matter at hand. Even if Emma were to, say, in a moment of poor inebriated judgment, make advances on the hot-headed Queen… Surely Regina would reject her, as her recent affair with the King of Thieves suggests her interests lie elsewhere?"

"How can you still be this naïve, living as long as you have?" Frog asked. The evil grin she was giving him made the hairs on the back of Henry's neck stand up. "I was the Queen's apprentice for three years. I was by her side constantly. Learning her dark arts, observing her ways. As a monarch, she had her venerable pick of the litter, believe me. But that didn't stop her from bringing a few broads to her bedchamber every now and then."

Hook blinked at her. "And did they… what did they… alas, what did _you _get up to with the Queen, Frog Princess?"

Frog's grin widened. "Oh, nothing. I wasn't really her type. She liked her men manly, and her women athletic, slender, usually blonde…"

Hook's face purpled and Frog laughed uproariously. "The funniest thing about it is, I'm not even lying. I couldn't forget the noises that came from her quarters even if I tried. And believe me—_I've tried._"

"Surely we shouldn't be talking about this in front of the lad!" Hook gestured desperately to Henry, who wished he didn't have to hear all this about his mother but found the information reassuring nonetheless. It meant his plan had a chance of succeeding.

"He'll be fine," Frog said dismissively. "He's a champ." She turned to Henry and gave him a rare, genuine smile. "I'm gonna go to the Rabbit Hole and throw a few back. You call me if you need anything, all right sport?"

Henry nodded, and Hook didn't miss the longing way in which he watched her go. "A bit long in the tooth for a young lad like you, don't you think Henry my boy?"

Henry frowned at the pirate. "I'll be old enough to go to college in less than a decade. I'll be good enough for her then, you'll see. In a way you'll never be good enough for Ma!"

"What's all this?" Hook asked, bewildered.

"I'm saying you're not my dad!" Henry shouted before he could stop himself.

The dumbstruck and frankly hurt look on Hook's face made him feel guilty, so he turned on his heel and ran off before he let himself apologize.

* * *

A few days later, Emma found herself being more selective about her clothes than was probably necessary as she got ready for her "date" with Regina. Perhaps it was because Hook had been by earlier demanding that she cancel. Where did he get off, acting as though he owned her? He'd gone on some rampage about something Henry had said to him, which only bugged her more. He'd gone so far as to say that he was perfectly capable of being a father to Henry since he'd been a fine enough father to Baelfire, which caused Emma to slam the door in his face.

How dare he mention Neal? If fatherhood was teaching a boy to become a thief and a scoundrel before abandoning him then maybe Henry didn't need a dad—she and Regina had brought him up well enough.

And maybe she didn't need to have a man in her life. So far her track record wasn't the best anyway.

In the end she decided on a simple grey midi dress and a black leather jacket. She curled her hair for the first time in a long while and strolled out the door, but not before being stopped by Mary Margaret, who was humming as she made tea and bounced the baby on her hip. "Going to make up with Hook?" she asked, smiling. "I heard the two of you arguing earlier."

"No," Emma shook her head. "I'm going on a date with Regina."

There was a loud crash as the tea kettle went clattering to the floor. The baby squealed in alarm and Mary Margaret soothed her frantically before turning to Emma. "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you, honey. Did you say you're going out with _Regina_?"

"Relax Mary Margaret," Emma sighed. "It's not really a date, it's… well, it's a long story. I was helping her out during a charity auction when Frog was trying to mess with her."

At the mention of the Frog Princess, Mary Margaret winced—there was something going on there too, Emma knew it, but found that she didn't want to know. "Things with Frog are always odd that way," the schoolteacher replied after a pause. "So… have fun, I suppose."

"I might as well," Emma answered. _I'm gonna have a grand worth of fun_, she thought irritably, before hurrying out to the bug.

* * *

Henry was bouncing up and down with glee and Regina didn't get it at all. "Is Emma here yet?" he asked.

"She'll be here soon, Henry. Didn't you just see her yesterday?" Regina asked her son, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, yeah… I'm just happy that the two of you are getting along," he replied, smiling happily up at her. The mayor smiled back and ruffled his hair.

"I'll do my best to have a nice time then."

"So you love me, right mom? Enough to have Frog come and babysit?"

Regina shook her head. "No, because I trust you enough to leave you on your own and Frog is a terrible influence on you. I've seen your internet search history, Henry, and I can assure you that what you think will happen if Frog becomes your babysitter is never going to occur."

Henry's face turned bright red and he quickly changed the subject. "Is that what you're wearing?" he asked, pointing at her three piece pantsuit.

"No," Regina shook her head. "I was just going to go change."

"Let me pick out your outfit, then?" Henry asked. Before she could answer, he shot up the stairs. Regina followed him, the line between her brows deepening with confusion. What was he so excited about? Was there something about her going on a "date" with Emma that made him happy? She had raised him to be open-minded but… her and Emma?

By the time she caught up to him he was emerging from her walk-in closet holding up her slinkiest, sexiest black dress. Regina felt her cheeks turn pink with a light blush. "That's too formal for drinks at a dive bar with Emma, Henry."

Henry disappeared inside her closet again and emerged a moment later with another one of her sluttiest dresses—a dark blue one with a slit in the side. "Henry?" she raised her eyebrow at him again.

Sighing, her prince disappeared in her closet for a third time. She sat on the bed and tried to hide her smile. As strange as this was, she didn't care that he was picking out an outfit for her date with Emma Swan, of all people. The fact that she had her son and he was looking for clothes for her in her house, _with _her was enough. She had her little prince back and nothing—not her crazy sister, her resentful former apprentice, her ex-boyfriend from another realm—could puncture the swelling bubble of joy rising in her gut.

"How's this?" he asked, emerging once again and holding up a dark red cashmere sweater and black pencil skirt.

"That will do," she replied. He ran to her and gave her a hug before darting out the door and winking at her before she heard him scurry down the stairs. She remembered a time when his feet would pitter patter instead of stomp and was almost overcome with emotion again before shaking it off.

"Mom! Emma's here!" Henry yelled from downstairs. Regina changed clothes quickly and left her bedroom. She looked down the landing from the top of the staircase to see Emma standing in the foyer with their son.

"You clean up well, Savior," she said, taking in the blonde's appearance with appreciation.

Emma looked back up at her. "I'd say the same to you, but you always look good. Shall we, your majesty? Your chariot awaits you."

Henry positively beamed as Regina glided down the staircase and took the arm Emma held out for her in jest. "Finish your homework while we're gone, Henry," Regina called over her shoulder.

"Yes, mom. Wait a second!" He ran after them as they were about to step out of the front door. "Take these," he held out a packet of—

"Dental dams?" Emma asked, her voice squeaky.

"Yeah! You never know where Hood and Hook have been, you know? Better to be safe."

It was difficult to tell whose face was redder, Emma's or Regina's. "W-well, um… Henry… that is… was… that is to say… we really…. Um…" Emma stammered and stumbled over her words, clearly at a loss.

"Thank you, Henry!" Regina took the dental dams from him and shoved them in her clutch, her voice also unusually high and squeaky. "That's very thoughtful of you!" She dragged Emma out to the car, for once without her usual poise and sophistication.

* * *

The awkwardness from the dental dam fiasco didn't dissipate until both Evil Queen and Savior had downed three shots of tequila each. "What the hell _was _that?" Emma asked finally, her cheeks slightly flushed from the liquor.

"He… he was acting very excited about our date," Regina said slowly.

Emma flagged the bartender and ordered another round on Regina's tab. "Why do you suppose that is?"

"Why do _you _suppose that is?" Regina countered childishly, not wanting to answer. She had a feeling she knew, but it was just so absurd. This whole situation was absurd. The Rabbit Hole wasn't as packed as it normally was on a Friday night—the wicked with had put quite a scare in everyone. But that didn't stop the regulars, mostly Snow White's dwarves, from staring at the two former enemies drinking like buddies in disbelief.

"Maybe…" Emma said slowly. "He wants us to…" she was spared from finishing her sentence as the bartender handed her a shot, which she downed quickly.

"Wants us to what, exactly?" Regina pushed, intent on making Emma say it out loud—purely for her own amusement.

"Well," the blonde sputtered. "The dental dams indicate that he wants us to… _get together_."

Regina applauded mockingly. "Very good, Emma."

The sheriff shrugged. "I could do much worse. I have, in fact."

"Ah, yes. The flying monkey. Tell me, when you finished consummating your relationship, did he sit up and beat his fists against his chest in triumph?"

"Yeah yeah, you're so hilarious Regina."

The brunette sipped her tequila with a smirk. "Yes, I know. Thank you."

To her surprise Emma giggled. "Okay, well… it was pretty funny. I'll let you have that one. But seriously, why does the kid want us together?"

Regina shrugged. "Perhaps it has something to do with Neal."

At that Emma's face fell, and Regina instantly regretted having to bring him up. "I know it doesn't help when people say this sort of thing, but… I do know how you feel, Emma."

To her horror, the blonde started to get emotional. The corners of bright green eyes filled with tears. "It feels like my heart is being squeezed sometimes. Like I can't… get any air."

Regina quickly ordered another round and awkwardly put a hand on Emma's shoulder. "I wish I could say it gets easier with time."

Emma sniffed. "You don't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Comfort me."

Regina gaped at her. "Perhaps I want to."

"But we're on a date," Emma wiped her eyes forcefully. "We're having a good time, remember?"

This time it was Regina who downed her shot. She was starting to get loaded for the first time in ages and it felt good. The company, if she was being honest with herself, wasn't awful either. "I am having a good time. I don't mind if you… share whatever thoughts come to your mind."

"Okay," Emma said slowly. "What's the deal with you and the Princess Frog?"

Regina felt her shoulders slump. "You were there once, when I said I regret nothing, and I don't. But if I were truly to regret anything… it would be what I did to her. She had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Okay," Emma said, ordering a glass of wine in an attempt to slow down. "What happened?"

"Frog was once a simple girl named Tiana. Bright, hard-working, fair minded, independent. She and her family owned a Cajun restaurant in New Orleans in the 1920s. She loved her family above all else, especially her father. When he fell ill, she went to see a voodoo witch doctor and asked for his help in healing him. As you know, magic has consequences. Her father was healed but the witch doctor sent her to the Enchanted Forest as payment. I found her one day as I was combing the woods with my guards, hunting your mother. She was running from ogres."

Emma shuddered, remembering her encounter with the awful creatures during her visit to the Enchanted Forest not too long ago.

"I saved her, for whatever reason. I thought perhaps she might be useful. I knew there was something different about her, so I tricked her into going inside a cave to kiss a frog demon. It bestowed her with very powerful, very dark magic that burned her skin and caused her terrible pain when she used it. The only reason she agreed to become my apprentice after that was because I promised to help her get back home to her family in exchange for information about her land—the land without magic, which I hoped to send this entire Kingdom to." At this, Regina gestured around her and looked down into her drink, lost in memories.

It seemed for a moment that Frog was standing beside her throne again, imploring her with smoky eyes. _There's no need to take his life, your majesty… In my land, I have no ruler, I live in a democracy and we the people decide our own fate… is this the only way for a woman to obtain power in this place? By hurting others? Perhaps this world isn't so different from mine… I want to go home… I miss my mother… this is a nightmare that I'll soon wake up from, I just know it…_

Emma stared at her companion is surprise. It wasn't like Regina to look so… pensive. "She used to try to convince me, all the time, that my vendetta against your mother was ridiculous."

"It was," Emma said, rolling her eyes.

Regina ignored her and continued her story. "She could be very persuasive, Frog, and was an excellent story-teller. She once even convinced me to spare your mother's life after capturing her on my orders."

So that explained Mary Margaret's reaction towards any mention of the Frog Princess.

"In any case, when I cast the curse I chose to leave her behind. I knew that if I took her along she would lose her memories anyway and it would all be for naught. I tried to make it right, which was even more unlike me then than it is now. I crowned her as a Princess and intended for her to rule what remained of the kingdom in my stead, but she went to Wonderland instead and found a Genie to lift the curse of the Frog Demon and send her to this realm, after which she freed him. But she found that the consequences of her wishes meant that her parents had long since died and the rest of her family didn't remember her. Now she drowns her sorrows in booze and pills and behaves like an animal to anyone who crosses her path."

"Geez," Emma muttered, leaning back. "No wonder you let her get away with calling you a psycho leather bitch and spray painting 'whore' on your front door every Sunday. I think even Jafar would feel guilty about doing that to someone."

She cast a look at Regina, who continued staring somberly down into her drink. "Was she… your friend?"

"No," Regina muttered. "For many years friendship was only something I used for my own benefit and I… liked Frog."

"Are you the who gave her that name? Frog?"

Regina nodded.

Emma blew a stray blonde curl out of her face. "Well, hey. Henry likes her, yeah? If he could sort you out, I'm sure she won't be far behind."

"You don't have to do that," Regina said.

"Do what?"

"Try to make me feel better."

Emma smiled. "Well, you don't have to comfort me either, but here we are."

Regina gave her a small smile back, and Emma didn't know if it was the booze or seeing the brunette so remorseful, but she looked devastatingly beautiful and it made her all ready liquor-heavy guts flutter. She downed the rest of her wine and slammed her palm against the bar. "I know! Lets mess with her! Pull a prank or something! I don't know about you, but I'm wasted and I'm ready to raise hell."

"I'm also intoxicated, but I would rather not play any pranks on Frog. Someone else perhaps?"

"Like who?"

Regina sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth thoughtfully. Emma had to look away, because the sight was making her feel uncomfortable in between her legs.

"Your mother, perhaps?" Emma looked back at her and almost laughed at the childish look on her face that seemed to say 'pretty please?'

"Yeah, let's screw with Mary Margaret. She's been uptight since that baby came, she could use some loosening up."

Regina's eyes glittered with excitement. "What shall we do, then?"

**What prank will our lovely ladies play on Snow White? Can Regina ever reconcile with the Princess Frog? Most importantly, can and will the savior and the evil queen find happiness in one another, as per Henry's wish? Stay tuned, I like the next chapter, its gonna be romantic…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Disney, Adam and Eddy, ABC blah blah blah who cares. **

**Rating went up, just in case. Warning: mentions of drug abuse**

Emma couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed so hard. She and Regina poured the remainder of her white Russian on Henry's dental dam and waited at the apartment in a stake-out. Once they were sure the Charmings had gone to bed, Regina teleported inside and dropped the dental dam on Emma's bed before reappearing in the passenger seat of the bug in a purple could, shaking with laughter.

The Sheriff drove them around town after that, not entirely sure she wanted their evening to end. Maybe it was the liquor talking, but the private bubble she and the Queen were occupying felt light, easy—even comfortable. She didn't want to go back to being the mayor and the sheriff, not just yet.

"Want to go sit by the harbor with me for a little while before I take you home?" she suggested. When Regina turned to look at her, she quickly added, "Don't want Henry to see us this drunk, do we? Might as well get some fresh air and sober up."

Regina giggled—an uncharacteristic yet adorable little hiccup that made Emma smile. "I don't see why not."

Feeling better than she had in months, Emma steered the bug towards the coast and parked by the shore before leading Regina by the hand to one of the benches overlooking the fishing bay.

"When do you suppose your mother will see the dental dam?" Regina asked her as they took a seat next to each other.

"She'll wash the sheets tomorrow morning and see it then," Emma replied. She looked over the water and watched the harbor lights shimmer against slow, rhythmic waves that hummed against docked fishing boats.

"I would pay an infinite amount of money to see her reaction."

"Maybe I'll try to record it on my phone for you," the blonde chuckled. "To tell you the truth, I almost wish Hook would be the one to find it."

Regina's one thousand kilowatt smile turned into a scowl. "And why is that?"

"Because it would serve him right. You wouldn't believe what he said to me today."

"I'm sure I would believe it," Regina scoffed. "That pirate has no filter when it comes to spouting ignorance."

"Jealous?" Emma teased, not knowing why she hoped it was true.

"Of Hook?" Regina purred. She leaned closer to Emma, who smelled her perfume and felt her head swim. Too much tequila. "On the contrary. If it were my intention to compete with an alcoholic paraplegic, this little date of ours would have all ready reached its conclusion in the back seat of that vintage recycling bin that you drive."

Emma felt her breath catch in her throat. "Your majesty!" she gasped, feeling giddy. "All you had to do was ask."

To her disappointment, the Queen leaned back again and turned her dark, molten gaze to the sky. "The moon is certainly full tonight, isn't it Savior?"

Emma squinted towards the heavens and realized that it was—one of the reflections on the water that she thought were harbor lights. Boy, she was hammered.

Behind them, a dark figure in a black hoodie crept up behind the bug and hoisted herself on top of it without either Emma or Regina noticing. She raised her arms in the air and began to mutter quietly.

"Hey, look at that!" Emma grabbed Regina's hand instinctively and pointed at a shooting star. She'd never seen one before. "When you wish upon a star…"

"Your dreams come true," Regina finished for her. "What shall we wish for, dear?"

"Hmmm," Emma pondered. "How about… a happy ending for our son?"

"A very appropriate wish," Regina agreed. Above them, several more stars began to streak across the sky, until they caused both women's faces to shimmer in the darkness.

"Hot damn!" Emma said, amazed. "It's a full blown meteor shower!"

"It's beautiful," Regina murmured, watching the sky with reverence.

They didn't hear Frog grunt with disgust behind them. The look of uncomplicated happiness on the Evil Queen's face as she held hands with her Savior made her sick to her stomach. It was bad enough that this meteor shower spell was completely draining her. For any run-of-the-mill (go figure) sorceress it would have been impossible, but she had been taught by one of the best. "You'd better be kissing my ass for this later, kid," she muttered to herself.

Frog made herself scarce as it looked like the two women were preparing themselves to leave, but they lingered several minutes longer, both secretly enjoying the skin-on-skin contact of their thighs brushing, though neither said a word.

* * *

Back at 108 Mifflin St, Regina absentmindedly picked a flower from the side of her front walk and gave it to Emma, who put it in her hair. "Very romantic, Regina," she observed as she walked the older woman to her front porch.

"It was the least I could do. I'm sure our date hasn't been worth the coin you put down in that auction." She turned to Emma and fixed her with a gaze that could have turned a chimera to vapor.

Emma took a step towards her. She was still pretty buzzed, but not enough to excuse the thoughts whirling around in her head. It was actually one of the best dates she'd ever been on, not that she was ever going to admit to that. She had no clue where their flirtations from the Harbor had come from. Perhaps sharing a son and a meteor shower with a woman she'd once moved the heavens with was enough to make anyone feel fond of someone—even if that someone was her former nemesis.

"Well, I had a fantastic time," the blonde replied after a pause. "But it'll only be worth a grand if I get a good night kiss. It's only proper first date etiquette, you know." She winked at that, fully expecting Regina to insult her or at the very least ignore her.

The brunette seemed thoughtful, however. "I suppose that's only fair." She seized the collar of Emma's jacket and captured her lips in a searing kiss. It was warm, aggressive, quick—Emma felt as though she left her body for a moment as Regina's wet, hot mouth devoured hers. A moan involuntarily escaped from the back of her throat before the Queen let go of her and pushed her back into one of the porch posts.

"I believe you owe me, now," Regina said somewhat breathlessly, her cheeks flushed. "Now our date is worth more than what you bid." With that, she turned and walked into her house, closing the front door on the dumbstruck Sheriff.

* * *

The next day at city hall found the Mayor distracted and unable to focus on her work. She shouldn't have done that—practically make out with Emma on her front porch. But it was late and the shooting stars on the harbor had perhaps put her in a mood. Instinct had come over her.

Even though she hadn't followed Robin Hood back to the Enchanted Forest, she found herself wanting for intimacy. Perhaps the move she'd made on the blonde was a cry for help.

She shook her head. No—Emma had been so sweet all evening. What she'd done was genuine. She'd really felt for her former nemesis in that moment, and that was the bit that frightened her.

She tried to go back to her budget reports, but her thoughts kept going back to that moment under the porch lights. Emma's mouth on hers—

Her intercom buzzed to life. "Madame Mayor," her assistant squeaked. "You have a visitor. I know she didn't schedule an appointment but she's forcing herself past—

Her office door swung open and Frog limped inside. There was a large, bleeding gash over her left eye and a bruise on her cheek.

"My god, Frog!" Regina felt her mouth fall open in shock as the young woman fell into the chair in front of her desk. "What on earth happened to you?"

Frog shrugged her shoulders carelessly. "Got in a rumble with Cinderella." She pulled a cigarette out of her pocket and lit it with magic.

Regina stared at her in disbelief as she inhaled deeply and heavy smoke drifted past her shoulder. "Are you out of your mind? What in hell do you think you're doing?"

Frog gave her a bored look. "Sitting in your office, Senpai. Paying a visit."

"No, the other thing!" Regina raged. She felt the vein in her forehead rise with her temper.

"Hmmm… parking my ass in this chair? Having a rap with my once and future Evil Queen?"

Furious, Regina snatched the offending object from Frog's mouth and blew it out with magic before tossing it in the trash. "Give me the rest of those disgusting things!" she commanded.

"Who says I have to—

"Now!" Regina barked, holding out her hand. Grumbling, Frog pulled the pack of Marlboros out of her pocket and handed them over. Regina tossed them in the trash before holding out her hand again. "And the booze!"

Frog sighed and gave her a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"And the pills!" Regina fumed.

Sighing again, Frog handed over a bottle of Vicoden, which also went into the bin. "And the marijuana!"

Frustrated, Frog handed over a plastic wrap sack of pot.

"And the billfold!"

"Oh, come on!" Frog whined. "I won that dough from the Knave of Hearts in a poker game, fair and square!"

"Very well," Regina leaned back and glared at her former apprentice. "I will not tolerate this insolence from you, Frog. Did you forget that you swore your allegiance to me?"

"On the condition that you would help me find my family, and you rolled me!" Frog snapped back through clenched teeth. "You can take your allegiance and shove it up your ass! I went through hell and back for you and what did I get? I don't take orders from you anymore, _your majesty!_ There's no dungeon for you to throw me in!"

"Don't be so sure," Regina sneered. "If you insist on maintaining this unhealthy and frankly inappropriate friendship with my son, I will not have you self-destruct and wither away like some pathetic fool until you die from choking on your own vomit! You will cease getting in brawls with the other princesses immediately—

"The entire reason I whooped her ass was because she insulted your kid that you claim I don't care about!" Frog snapped back. "She said it wouldn't shock her if he ended up like you and blah blah blah. I didn't hear the rest 'cause my fist was all ready in her face. Trust me, she's in way worse shape than I am. Serves her prissy ass right."

Regina scowled. That was the thing that always got to her about Frog. She had a way of inspiring leniency where others didn't. "While honorable, your defense of my family is not required. I can handle that on my own. Is Emma looking for you? I'm surprised she hasn't thrown you in the cell at the Sherriff's Station by now."

Frog seemed to deflate, her earlier anger dissipating. "Relax, I'll go turn myself in later. I actually came by to see how your date with her went, senpai."

Regina raised an eyebrow at her in surprise. "It was… quite lovely, actually." She felt her own anger melt away and turn into a pleasant flutter in the pit of her stomach. "Why the sudden interest in my love life, Frog? And stop calling me senpai. It's utterly ridiculous."

"I'm interested because of Henry, senpai," Frog replied, ignoring her request. "The kid doesn't want a new daddy." At this she looked down and her smoky eyes swirled with sadness. "I can relate."

"I suppose you can," Regina muttered. She could too, actually. Perhaps her soft spot for Frog had come from their mutual love for their fathers.

Her intercom buzzed again. "Madame Mayor, you've got a call from the Sheriff."

"Put her through." Regina picked up the phone and Emma's voice sounded exasperated on the other end.

"Is the Frog Princess with you, Regina? I need to take her in to the station. She kicked the crap out of Cinderella."

Regina looked up at Frog, who smirked at her. "Yes, she's here. You can come pick her up if you like. She apparently intended to turn herself in."

Emma made a sound of annoyance. "I know you feel guilt or something like that for what happened to her, but are you sure it's a good idea for Henry to be around someone that unstable?"

"It's not a good idea, but while you may not have learned your lesson about trying to force our son to do what we desire, I have. A better option would be to force _Frog _to bend to our whims instead."

At this, Frog's smirk turned into a scowl.

"You're probably right," Emma agreed. "She clearly has no idea what we're capable of."

The corners of Regina's mouth turned up slightly in a smile. "Perhaps we should explore what we're capable of with more… depth."

"Maybe we should," Emma flirted back. She hung up after that and Frog groaned.

"The sheriff is on her way," Regina said, fixing her expression back to a stern one as she looked back up at her old apprentice.

"Yeah? What are the two of you gonna do anyway? Forgive me if I'm not shaking in my boots over the results of your vaguely homoerotic relationship with your baby mama. Can't you at least let me roll up a joint before you drag me to the slammer?" Frog looked sadly at the pile of loot in Regina's trash bin.

"Absolutely not, You will wait here for the Sheriff to come and fetch you while I get back to work and you will shut your mouth until then or so help me."

Frog rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. Work. You sure you're not doodling 'Mrs. Swan-Mills' and outlining the name in little hearts?"

"I said shut the hell up, Frog!" Regina snapped, blushing furiously. She went back to her budget reports, ignoring the return of Frog's smug smirk, and purposely avoided it until her assistant buzzed her again a few minutes later to let Emma in.

The blonde twirled her handcuffs as she swaggered into Regina's office. The brunette felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of her, and tried to suppress the feeling. "Sheriff," she said. "Thank you for taking care of this… _problem." _

Emma pulled Frog up from her chair roughly and slapped her with handcuffs. "Hey, hey! Take it easy!" the princess shouted.

"You're kidding, right? Like Hell I'm going easy on you! You're staying in my cell until you agree to get sober, ya hear?"

"Oh please," Frog rolled her eyes. "I didn't know women waved their dicks around when they were trying to attract each other as mates too. This is just pathetic, Sheriff. You really ought to up your game."

Emma blushed. "She's just baiting you, Miss Swan," Regina reminded her. "Ignore it."

Emma nodded and suddenly seemed shy. "I'll… well… um, I'll be seeing you, Madame Mayor." She left quickly with Frog after that, and Regina was too distracted with her own shyness to notice the marijuana and Jack leave her trash bin.

**I won't be updating this story for a little while. I've got a lot going over the next four or five weeks and I'm really drowning-but it's all good. Reviews, follows and favs keep me motivated. They are air, and I appreciate all of them. Feel free to give opinions and ideas about what happens next or things that should be improved. I am open to suggestion. *sultry wink***


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